The Infected Paper Cut

Louis Armstrong vs Radiohead - What a Wonderful Surprise (via ...

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:16:50 -0500

Louis Armstrong vs Radiohead - What a Wonderful Surprise (via The World Forgot)

This would be a good weekend to read Common Sense.

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 12:01:57 -0500

This would be a good weekend to read Common Sense.

A sign you need to go to bed and call it a day: You come across...

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 22:25:00 -0500

A sign you need to go to bed and call it a day: You come across Flo Rida’s album, Mail On Sunday, in your brother’s cd collection. The MTV part of you immediately recognizes him as “that guy who sings ‘Low,’” but it takes the part of you that makes sure you breathe at regular intervals and eat something occasionally more than 30 seconds to figure out from which state Flo Rida hails.

Lets just try this whole “thinking” thing again tomorrow.

"In The First 10 minutes: 10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily..."

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 21:07:00 -0500

“In The First 10 minutes: 10 teaspoons of sugar hit your system. (100% of your recommended daily intake.) You don’t immediately vomit from the overwhelming sweetness because phosphoric acid cuts the flavor allowing you to keep it down.”

- What Happens To Your Body If You Drink A Coke Right Now?
What is up with the informative yet mildly disturbing stories cropping up just after I’ve ingested the foodstuff in question.
At least unlike the watermelon article this one is of actual use to me. I need to print this piece out in its entirety and tape it to an index card to creep myself out when I think about buying another Pepsi.

"All the boys with jeans slung impossibly, stupidly low, the belt clinging to the tops of their sulky..."

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:53:01 -0500

“All the boys with jeans slung impossibly, stupidly low, the belt clinging to the tops of their sulky thighs: too low for comfort, they make constant slight adjustments to their mast position while their exposed underwear shrieks disinterest.”

- meish dot org: Being a list of people who are annoying me today
This is a great (and true!) sentence.
Also: “constant slight adjustments to their mast position.” When you can write a phrase that both George Carlin and Katharine Hepburn could sound in their element saying.. you deserve some sort of award.

I caught this clip on Bravo while I was channel surfing last...

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:24:00 -0500

I caught this clip on Bravo while I was channel surfing last night.

Can I keep Bald Guy in my pocket for when I need amusement? Please?

Nutrient in watermelon yields Viagra-like results - Houston Chronicle

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:21:00 -0500

Nutrient in watermelon yields Viagra-like results - Houston Chronicle: This is literally the last thing I wanted to find waiting for me in Google Reader after eating watermelon with my parents.

"Google Reader Trends“From your 63 subscriptions, over the last 30 days you read 3,273 items,..."

Wed, 02 Jul 2008 16:32:00 -0500

“

Google Reader Trends

“From your 63 subscriptions, over the last 30 days you read 3,273 items, starred 68 items, shared 37 items, and emailed 27 items.”

What’s your trends, friends?

”

- via Heather Anne: Google Reader Trends
Ha! Oh, nononono.. I am not sharing those numbers. I like to maintain the illusion that I step outside into the sunlight now and then.
But I’m not above dropping a hint as to the enormous amount of stress my Google Reader undergoes on a daily basis. I have a whopping 202 subscriptions and under the “Frequently updated” tab here are the top 5 entries* & their Items/Day.
Google News: 130.0
Hulu - Recently added TV: 89.5
Apartment Therapy Main: 57.9
del.icio.us hotlist: 46.6
Lifehacker: 17.0
Do a quick guesstimation of that overall picture while I take the dogs for a walk. I’m suddenly feeling as though I might have a serious Vitamin D deficiency.
^{*The good news is none of these particular ones are subscriptions I spend much time or attention on. Thank goodness..}

Honestly, it’s pretty pointless for my site analysis...

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:12:00 -0500

Honestly, it’s pretty pointless for my site analysis software to even have either the “referred searches” or “keywords” options. And most of the searches under Other? Still something to do with a bizarre paper cut fetish.

All previous attempts at dropping off the Google radar were unsuccessful as it seems I need a server with which to upload a text file which would then tell the web-crawling Google robots to go screw themselves.

I suppose this is what I get for going with the gross blog title.

And I’ll bet the chick who titled her LJ reading log “The Rusty Butt Plug” is really hating herself right about now too.

P.S. 20 bucks says “butt plug” knocks “walter meego” out of the #4 spot by this time next week.

Photobombers

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:57:00 -0500

Photobombers:

I have more than a few such pictures of my brother-in-law which, if he should piss me off sufficiently, can be on the internet in under five minutes. A snap of my fingers and I can put a photo collection on Flickr that makes him look as though he’s that kid your mom was talking about when they say your face will stay that way.

He seems to think he’s the one pulling something on us when he does these things.

CQ Politics | Gen. Clark Comes From Behind to Win CQ Politics VP Madness

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 16:25:00 -0500

CQ Politics | Gen. Clark Comes From Behind to Win CQ Politics VP Madness:

So I’ve been participating in Congressional Quarterly’s Vice Presidential version of fantasy baseball. It’s been in the works for nearly a month now.

And, after a weekend news cycle that pretty much assured he’ll never get the VP spot, Gen. Wesley Clark won the top spot in the CQ poll.

It was between him and Sen. Biden. My thinking at the time? Ironically enough, I had in mind that while both Biden and Clark had aspects of the foreign policy experience that Obama lacks, with the war in Iraq and the mystical WAR. ON. TERROR going on, it was Gen. Clark’s military experience which would be more important in the long run for Obama.

Ha! Boy, has the recent news cycle ever wiped that thought out of my mind. The level of debate regarding his quote has sunk to something completely unworthy of my time.

It seems like even Obama (or Obama’s people) are trying to both use Clark to make the point that Obama can’t make and denounce the point that Clark made all at the same time. It kinda rubs me the wrong way.

"I forgot to ask for her name, but the next time I’m there, I’m pretty sure I’ll..."

Tue, 01 Jul 2008 08:58:18 -0500

“I forgot to ask for her name, but the next time I’m there, I’m pretty sure I’ll recognize her voice, because at one point it whispered in my ear, “Will you be okay?” just before she jammed her thumbs into the base of my skull and lifted me up like she’s finishing me at the end of a game of Mortal Kombat.”

- Pamie on her Thai massage (pamie.com: my hands are thai’d.)

"I don’t think getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to become..."

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 01:58:00 -0500

“I don’t think getting in a fighter plane and getting shot down is a qualification to become president.”

- — Wesley Clark
Clark Blasts McCain’s Military Service — Political Wire
I think there was probably a much more eloquent way of making the same point. Like, for instance, pointing out any one of McCain’s many questionable positions.
ETA: Some people have officially lost their minds over Clark’s quote. I wouldn’t say the quote was comparable to the ruthlessness of the Swift Boaters in 2004 so much as it was with the fall-out surrounding Kerry’s Mary Cheney comment during the Presidential debates. On the one hand, both quotes are the truth.* On the other hand, they both should’ve seen the GOP coiled and ready to strike.
^{*CJR puts it perfectly:}
“Arguing that a person’s record of military service is not a qualification for the presidency does not constitute “attacking” their military credentials; nor can it be described as invoking their military service against them, or as denying their record of war heroism.”

The CHS Big Red Machine in NYC, 2005

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 22:14:00 -0500

The CHS Big Red Machine in NYC, 2005:

Ah, yes… The Wayback Machine, helping gals remember for all eternity why they dropped band for that photography class during their last year of high school.

I wasn’t there (already had my diploma, I think.. maybe), but just watching this clip I can hear Mr. Cadle replaying the video and pointing out (a) screwy lines (b) out of tune sections. Eh, Jon?

I marched in similarly screwy lines in the Chicago Marshall Field’s Parade and the Hollywood Christmas Parade. My number one thought as I marched along with my mellophone?

“Please.. PLEASE don’t let me step in horse crap. It’s all I ask. No horse poop. Not today.”

Honorable mention: “Arms… putty. Can’t… go on. *pause* That’s it.. I quit. I’m done. No more. This is slave labor. And where’s OSHA when I need them? I mean it’s on LIVE fuckin’ tv. They’ve gotta be seeing this. And so help me, if I hear a flautist complain about her back hurting when this is over.. I’m ripping her face off. Ten more minutes. Then I quit, officially. ”

Which reminds me.. how is it that the podunk band from Middle of No Where, Florida, gets all the best placement in these parades? Chicago: we were the very first thing after the Rockettes. The New York group ushered in Santa.

I can’t say for sure.. but I’m beginning to think the band director slept with Al Roker.

aja:Ben Gibbard, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun via...

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 17:52:00 -0500

aja:

Ben Gibbard, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun via thebronzemedal

I needed a quick reminder of how cool Cyndi Lauper is.

"“Though left-handers comprise just 10% of the population, they are dominating presidential..."

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:23:00 -0500

“

“Though left-handers comprise just 10% of the population, they are dominating presidential politics.

[…]

Their recent success transcends ideology. Since 1974, presidents Ford, Reagan, George H.W. Bush, and Clinton have all favored their left hands, while President Carter and the current President Bush are righties.”

”

- One Election Outcome Certain: A Lefty Will Win White House
And you know what? Even so, I’ll bet all the appliances at the Residence are still made for the right-handed. Those twerps.

Vertigo Theme by Matthew Buchanan

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 08:56:29 -0500

Vertigo Theme by Matthew Buchanan: If I hadn’t just rethemed here, I would be seriously considering this one. I’m lovin’ the customization for each type of post: a tape for audio posts, projector for videos, etc.

Do you know what's going on in Zimbabwe?

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:07:00 -0500

dihard:

I’ve been following the situation in Zimbabwe since March, and am surprised by a. how little media attention it has received (that is, until Sunday when Morgan Tsvangirai pulled out of the election and sought refuge at the Dutch embassy in Harare), and b. how few people to whom I ask that question say yes.

Thank you! I’ve been reading all the online news about the current situation there but no one else seems to have heard of it nor does the media (television) seem to be all that interested.

My biggest issue is that Mugabe has been a bad guy doing a poor job from pretty early on in his career. How’d he end up getting to associate with Nelson Mandela, receive honorary degrees (which have only recently been revoked), and even the title of Knight Commander of the Order of the Bath from Queen Elizabeth II? It boggles the mind.

And most recently I’ve read that 1 US Dollar = 35,000,000,000 Zimbabwean Dollars, “up from a mere 17 billion on Friday,” with the jump estimated to be the result of the chaos following Tsvangirai withdrawing from the election. Insane.

The Zombie Meme

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 21:10:00 -0500

kfan:

I love this meme.
You are in a mall when the zombies attack. You have:
1. One weapon.
2. One song blasting on the speakers.
3. One famous person to fight alongside you.

Weapon can be real or fictional; you may assume endless ammo if applicable. Person can be real or fictional.

1. The PMS Turret Gun: inflicts painful menstrual cramps and bloating on its victims regardless of their sex.

2. “DOA” by Foo Fighters

3. Ash Williams, duh.

Ozma - Korobeiniki (Traditional Russian Folk Song)Ozma can do...

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:03:17 -0500

Ozma - Korobeiniki (Traditional Russian Folk Song)

Ozma can do no wrong for this very reason.