Dear Florida,

Would you look at yourself? Seriously.. look around. What do you have going for you anymore?

Oranges. Old people. Disney World. California has variations of all three AND it can boast that Bill O’Reilly hates it. You’ve got West Nile, there’s ties to Bush, and you’ve plagarized the nation’s motto and money for your own state slogan, like nobody would notice.

You’re like the semi-cool guy in high school who the popular kids only hang out with because your parents have a pool and a fully stocked liquor cabinet.

But you know what? I’ve been able to deal with all of this because a.) I can always escape to Cuba. b.) You look pretty stunning standing next to Alabama and c.) You’re paying for my classes.

I’m getting my bachelor’s degree soon and moving on to graduate school so my tolerance of you hinges entirely upon the follow question:

Truck Nutz? Are you serious?! I can’t drive ten minutes without running into floundering road construction, my brother is twenty and can’t read because of your schools, but you’re going to put your time and attention into making sure I don’t have to look at balls during my morning commute. Fantastic.